Avoiding the Holiday Blues

Regardless of the cheer all around, the holidays can be tough for many reasons. At The Attic, we've been sharing thoughtful ways we get through it, from embracing time alone to dressing for comfort and perfuming ourselves in strength. Closing out the series, new contributor Caitlin Carroll offers an easy list of festive activities for those of us on our own this season. For more in the series you can read here!

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Photos by Caitlin Carroll.

So, you’re alone for the holidays. This isn’t completely outrageous: if you’re living away from home, you’re at the mercy of airline price surges, making friends and family impossible to see; or, if you have a toxic relationship with your family, going home is the last thing that will make your season bright. Maybe your life isn’t as full of familiar faces as the Yuletide songs would have you believe, or perhaps your village of pals has cleared out for the holidays and you happen to find yourself alone. Whatever the scenario, these things happen… even if our culture’s media doesn’t show that; whether it’s the Disney and Hallmark channels blasting constant messages of crowded familial Christmases or the Pinterest aesthetic of elegant, packed New Year’s extravaganzas, it feels unnatural to be spending this time of the year by yourself. It can make everything quieter seem sad, or a sign of danger, by comparison. But fear not! I have tread this path, and I know several ways to keep a solo celebration from turning dark.

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Feel the feelings

This might sound counterproductive, but my first piece of advice is, if you’re feeling the blues, let yourself feel sad. Don’t berate yourself for not being appropriately jolly. You might feel like you’re letting yourself down or that you’re not celebrating “right,” but, rest assured, there’s no such thing. Traditions aren’t pre-approved—they exist because people enjoy them. Which brings me to…

Make new traditions

As for dealing with traditions, for those adjusting to newfound independence this year, this can be tricky. My first warning is this: do not try to replicate traditions you have with friends and family. It will just make you miss them more or, even worse, the tradition done solo will fall short of your memories and make you sadder. Instead, find something fun that you couldn’t do in a group or, even more liberating, find an activity that your friends and family wouldn’t enjoy doing. Ever tried making mulled wine? Now’s your chance! Who cares if the kitchen gets messy if you’re by yourself? Fancy a walk in the snow with a thermos of cocoa to look at your neighbors’ lights? Go ahead! You can turn back whenever you feel like it or keep going until your toes get numb. Want to start a collection of bedazzled Nutcrackers? You’ll have no confused looks to deal with, so why not? Let’s be honest—those options are only the beginning. This is a great opportunity to dig deep into your personal tastes and think about what delights you, regardless of any outside judgment.

Embrace solitude

Yes, you’re going to find silence everywhere. Trying to fill it with loud music might work for a while, but it might also make your brain associate cheerful raucous with depressing noise. To avoid that, lean into the quiet. One thing I like to do is string my apartment with LED lights, turn off the overhead lights, and lie on the floor to watch them. It’s calm and soothing but, more importantly, it’s something that would be impossible in a houseful of screaming relatives. Take some time to sip your morning coffee while taking in the morning view, luxuriate in long showers or baths, and smile with contentment when you turn in at night, knowing there’s no one to disturb you. I must also stress to book nerds everywhere, your much-dreamt-of moment is nigh: read peacefully and uninterrupted for hours! There is so much beauty around you during this time of the year, completely outside of seasonal mobs, that you can enjoy. Don’t be afraid of the quiet.

Decorating by yourself isn’t sad

This is my pet peeve during any holiday special on TV: a sad, lonely woman—or, rarely, a devilishly handsome but broody man—attempting to put a single ornament on a tree, lighting one candle on the menorah, or struggling with tinsel. Guys, this isn’t a funeral dirge! This is a dream: your opportunity to decorate your surroundings exactly how you like them! Play music while you bustle your bustle. (Might I suggest the fantabulous Christmas at the Attic playlist?) Get out those garlands—for my readers stateside, you can get a bundle of nine-foot fake garlands at The Christmas Tree Shop for four dollars!—and stick them any which way: wrap them around your bookcase or dangle them from your ceiling fan. Go outside and fetch some pinecones to place in a bowl on your shelf. Grab some discount candles from Savers—any scent you want, remember, including out-of-season ones if they’re your favorites—and light them all. Hate eggnog? Guess what, you don’t have to make that. Instead make a poinsettia or experiment with weird teas. The world is your oyster here. Just because the pretty people in knit sweaters on TV don’t know how to have a good time alone doesn’t mean you have to adapt to their drama-stricken ways.

Go on an adventure

Is there a Christmas bazaar the next city over? Is there a tree-lighting ceremony down the road from you? Are there cheap seats at your local concert hall? Grab your hat and head out the door. You’re not limited to a social calendar, so why not? Impulse trips like this are fun and low-key. Seeing a performance with people can be fun, but going alone can be freeing just in case it’s a dud. If it sucks, just wander off somewhere else. Otherwise, the activities available in your area might just surprise you. For me personally, I try to find a showing of The Nutcracker somewhere within driving distance during this time of year. I put on my finest (read: scuffed) flats, perhaps a nice dress, and treat myself to a glass of champagne in the lobby.

Cook something for yourself

Cooking misadventures don’t matter if you’re alone. Whip out that crockpot and try some Hungarian goulash, or anything else you’ve wanted to try all year long. Who’s there to judge if it over-thickens and starts to smoke? Or, roll out that dough and get cracking with those cookie cutters. Who cares if your gingerbread man looks like a sad lump? Just don’t record it on Instagram. Cooking is meditative, even the slob in me has to admit that, and without prying eyes examining my mushy rice or watching me cuss out my gas oven, make for a more calming meal. Plus, you can just chalk it up to “practice makes perfect.” No one will be there with a sarcastic remark.

Say ‘No’ if you want, or ‘Yes’ if you do

There will be pity invites. The sad looks you get from letting slip that you’re celebrating alone will annoy you. Obviously. Especially if you’re really feeling the holiday vibe and don’t want any of that negativity rubbing off on you. As for me, a trademark introvert, the idea of spending time with strangers who feel sorry for me is low on my list of desired activities. However, I have to put my inner Grinch aside and reexamine each invite because some of those are genuine. In the past, a few lovely friends reached out and invited me to family gatherings. Bracing myself for awkward smiles from across the table, instead I found myself included in games, fed great food, and delighted by family stories. Obviously those moments glitter in my memory, but there have also been stilted conversations as I’m patted on the head with an, “I’m so sorry.” You can’t control the outcome, but look at each offer with patience; trust yourself to feel if they’re given with good will or, you know, guilt. You can always invent excuses to stay home or take off early if it’s really terrible, but sometimes third-wheeling it can be a surprising joy.

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With December in New England covered in snow, I’m burning through Christmas playlists and have been looking forward to these festive weeks. I know this time of year can be rough, but I hope these tips will make your season brighter. I’m certainly excited for cookies, lots of tea, and long winter walks. Happy holidays, everyone!

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Caitlin Carroll is a writer, bookseller, and paralegal based in New England. When she's not reading or writing, she's loudly arguing about books and drinking tea.