By Our Bedsides, Vol. 12 – Rebecca Mangra
By Our Bedsides is The Attic on Eighth’s evening series, sharing the methods and products we use to unwind. In these tumultuous times, Attic Contributor Rebecca Mangra gives us a glimpse into her nightly routine.
All photography courtesy of Rebecca Mangra.
As soon as we turned our calendars to September, Toronto flipped a switch of its own. Warm breezes and sunshine turned into brooding, grey skies and gusty winds. As the temperatures drop, I feel the edges around my life turning sharper and my intuition all the more alert. As I work from home, with half-drunken tea in large mugs scattered around my apartment, I blink and hours have passed by. I can hear cars vrooooming down the street and children screaming from my window; life brims outside in a steady, haunting way, something just outside of my reach.
As an autumn-lover, September and October are two of my favourite months. It’s a sacred time to indulge in scented candles, create new rituals, dive into a thrilling novel or two, and take more chances. Since September will forever have a back-to-school tinge on its back, I always feel a little more hopeful at the possibility of a new start.
The year has been a tumultuous one, to say the least. While the media’s coverage of anti-racism efforts has died down, Black lives still matter and continue to be threatened. Police brutality has not stopped taking its toll on Black and other marginalized communities in the United States, Canada, and beyond. I would also like to highlight the police brutality inflicted against Indigenous peoples and the staggering rates of missing and murdered Indigenous women, in Canada in particular, and elsewhere. Many of the Canadian cases are not adequately investigated by police.
To be truthful, while wrestling with all of these questions, most nights I have been sleeping quite late. I feel sluggish, unmotivated, and uninspired. How do you rest or create a culture of resting amidst electrified chaos?
I haven’t found the answers yet, but I’m on a journey of many answers. A lot of them include signing petitions, educating myself about issues I should know more about, and reflecting on my own identity as a woman of colour.
At night, I like to write about my thoughts, observations, and convictions. I don’t censor myself or force Pulitzer-worthy prose to come out. I just write. I usually aim to finish one notebook a month. This is not as daunting as it seems; I use small notebooks that make me happy. The method is from Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones, and she says, “There’s no quota on the quality, just quantity—a full notebook, no matter what garbage I write. If it is the 25 of the month and I have only filled five pages and there are seventy more to fill by the end of the month, I have a lot of writing ahead of me in the next five days.”
It reminds me of what Ira Glass says about creativity and storytelling: there is usually a large gap for novice creatives between what they want to create and what actually comes out. The only solution is to write your heart out until you have finally exercised your mental muscles enough to close that gap.
As for beauty, I recently finished a bottle of my tried and true Caudalie Vinoperfect serum to get rid of dark spots (ah, the quest for beauty! Someone call Margaret Atwood!). It’s light and moisturizing. Once in a while, I will spritz my favourite perfume before bed. Something about it makes me feel magical, sexy, and ethereal. It reminds me of a time, not so long ago, when dates and glamorous parties were common occurrences. I would give you the perfume’s name, but I’m so possessive with my scents that I just can’t bear to.
One last thing I do before bed is talk to my friends. With some, I have set up weekly calls and others daily ones. It is amazing at how the mere sound of someone’s voice can instantly make you feel like you’re coming home. I think we all need that, especially during this time—somewhere to go for a half an hour, where we can talk about our aches, co-workers, email inboxes, but most importantly, cherished memories and new experiences that we hope to create in the future.
I wish I could write about an amazing bedtime yoga routine and blissful pillow sprays, but I’d rather be honest with you. My nights are fragmented, random, and unorganized. They are fraught with appeals to the moon and ice cream sandwiches. If this sounds like you, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Someone in Toronto is just as much of a mess as you are. In fact, I don’t think we should call ourselves messes. We’re striving human beings that are constantly moving, learning, and thinking—only statues can remain clean, and even then they eventually accumulate dust and are forgotten. As long as we are bringing as much compassion, solidarity, and courage as we can to our days, then I think we deserve a night or two filled with some garbage prose and dessert.
Call me once the leaves start tumbling down from their perches in red and orange waves.
Rebecca Mangra is a writer and editor based in Toronto, Canada. She has an Honours Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from York University. She has a passion for books, clothes, intersectional feminism and chocolate-covered almonds.
By Our Bedsides is The Attic on Eighth’s evening series, sharing the methods and products we use to unwind. In a time when the world feels unstable, Perfume Columnist Mishka Hoosen gives us a glimpse at his nightstand as a place of healing and comfort.