Sh*t Women Have to Deal With — Blood

Are you as sick of dancing around the topic of blood as I am? It's a monthly issue for women, and I'm honestly so over feeling as though it cannot be talked about, or that it shouldn't be. I'm saying this as someone who in school would always hide my tampons in my hand, lest I offend the delicate sensibilities of boys, or, even worse, be made fun of for a very normal bodily function. However, this isn't just a bloody monthly occurrence, as I happen to nick myself regularly when shaving. You'd think I'd be a pro after well over a decade doing it, yet here we are. Or nosebleeds. Or a scab that you've picked to death...(Or is that just me? Am I the only disgusting monster among us?)

In summation, I want to share some tips with you for getting blood out of fabric. Now, this cleanup isn't intended for a large amount like if you've murdered someone (hey, don't murder people, okay?) but this will right all your wrongs. Without further ado...getting blood out of fabric.

The easiest blood to get out of fabric is fresh blood (I laughed as I wrote "fresh blood") so if you can treat the stain immediately, do so. And please do so.

If you've bled through your underwear or clothing or on a white bath towel (because I only keep fluffy white bath towels, and yet, I invariably bleed on them) immediately put the fabric underneath cold water. As cold as you can get it. Move the fabric around quite a bit, don't rub, under the tap to let the stream of water do its work. Once done, grab a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and pour this on the stain. I like to keep everything in the sink (or a basin) as I'm cleaning so the fabric can get a chance to soak. I don't find that mixing the cold water and the peroxide work all that well together so do the cold water bit, then drain the sink, then pour your peroxide. You'll see some bubbles, which is good, it means its working. You can continue to use this method, alternating, cold water and peroxide until you need to. I usually just do it the once, as that solves it. If there's a continued stain, let the garment dry and you can either try this method again, or put it through a cold wash, and take it from there.

Now, if you've dripped blood on white carpet (or anything you can't wash really) like I do when I nick my ankle in the shower and then proceed traipse it through my house none the wiser, grab your trusty bottle of peroxide and either some cotton balls or cotton swabs. Drip a small amount of the peroxide on the stain, and lightly dab with the cotton. When you're dabbing with the cotton, you are doing this to soak up the blood and peroxide mixture, you don't want to push the blood further into the fabric. So a light touch does wonders here.

For not so fresh blood, still rinse the garment (I almost wrote offensive garment here...is it offensive? I don't know, I'm going to let you decide) in cold, cold water. Check the results. Apply toothpaste (I know, life is weird, guys) to the stain and let sit for awhile. Rinse with cold water, repeat if necessary. Run through a cold wash. If the stain is still there, don't blame me but rather yourself for not getting to it fast enough when I already told you to treat the stain immediately. Burn the offensive garment in a dramatic fashion to remind yourself to do a better job next time.

Clearly, I think very highly of hydrogen peroxide and you should too. Please buy yourself a huge bottle. It's so cheap that it feels free. I know some people like to use lemon juice, and table salt (not together but as separate things) to treat stains but I've not tried it. Maybe I just like feeling like a chemist for a brief bit...

Do you have any favorite ways to treat blood stains? Let me know! Ladies helping ladies, amiright? Okay, good talk.